she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
