How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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