yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
