A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
pop tarts are not kleenex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you had me at cake vodka
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
