it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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