I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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