I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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