the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
