i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
