PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
