You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize