there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
