I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
