go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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