This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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