I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
