My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
