i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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