Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
