North Korea, Best Korea!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
