New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
