So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
