bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
