I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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