Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize