Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
