The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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