He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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