I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
