At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize