Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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