for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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