WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
