i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's the barista slut.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
