i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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