i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
