oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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