so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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