dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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