Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
