i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
