I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
