then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
