What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
