Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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