i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
