you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
