Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
