My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
