yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
