I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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