I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
