Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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