I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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