So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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