It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
