Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
