we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
