So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
