just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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