so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
