Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
