I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
