pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
