Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
